Trauma is in the Eye of the Survivor

Guest blogger: Mark Chidley, LMHC, CAP

This week’s post features excerpts from a wonderful article by my colleague Mark Chidley, LMHC, CAP. Thanks Mark!

Traumatic experiences may not always involve the imminent threat of death or dismemberment, nor even horror and helplessness. Trauma spreads out far beyond experiences of overt physical threat, violence, or even emotional horror or helplessness. What happened to the person may be more on the level of identity and meaning than what happened physically.

Indeed, in many cases the person was never actually touched, and yet for them their world shifted and neither their view of the world or themselves would ever be the same again.This is important because meanings affecting identity are often subtle and nuanced, not always what they would seem on face value. The temptation is always there to try to understand someone else in terms of how one would feel in a similar situation instead of how it was for them, thereby misreading the meaning and missing a chance for connection. Below are a few representative examples of such trauma arranged into categories I’ve noticed over time. There could doubtless be other categories added to this list.

Experiences of Humiliation

Many of us have heard clients tell of a moment of vulnerability or childhood incompetence and being humiliated in that moment . Wetting one’s pants in school, being the butt of jokes on the school bus, having a teacher single one out in a demeaning way, or being suddenly in the wrong viz. a viz. adult systems, as in church.

Experiences of Abandonment and Rejection

One lady remembered coming into her kitchen as a 9 year old. “I came home from school one day with a problem with my homework and told my step mom I needed her help. She was already overwhelmed with the other kids and my alcoholic dad. She just wheeled on me and said, ‘You need, you need, all’s you ever do is need. Well, I cant take care of you right now. Why dont you just leave me alone. Why don’t you just disappear!’” It was a phrase that had affected her for many years.

Experiences of Implied Violence

One doesn’t have to be hit or beat to be affected by violence. One woman was selected to be the observer as her alcoholic father would stage punching matches between her brothers. She was forced to look on as one brother would beat down the other to escape the greater threat of the father’s violence crashing down onany unwilling contestants. She exclaimed, “It was like the Roman Coliseum, and it took place on my living room rug every Friday night!”

Experiences of Demolished Values or Vulnerability

Many people have the innocence of their values or their childhood sensitivities taken from them in a way that is traumatic. Having lived near rural Midwestern farmlands, I remember more than one client tell of witnessing an animal’s untimely death or an adult family member’s cruelty. Seeing a family pet run over in the driveway, or seeing wildlife slaughtered out of a pickup truck window, for no good reason other than the shooter wanted to kill something, can have a profound effect on a child. And the effect can be anchored at various levels–the abruptness and unexpectedness of the act, the dying gasps of an animal as its eyes glaze over, the stark brutality and indifference demonstrated by an attachment figure, and the inference that small and defenseless life forms are dispensable. Children are vulnerable and that vulnerability can be demolished at any age.

Trauma, for the survivor, is never spelled with a small “t”. But if we are listening only for certain types of experiences or experiences of a certain magnitude, like war, rape, or a plane crash, we can miss what is real for the client.

As a Rapid Trauma Resolution therapist, I was also taught that part of what makes trauma “hang” in a timeless limbo is the mind’s tendency to make matters worse by taking an already negative event and attaching meanings of even greater negation or diminishment of personal worth. All of this can still be driving symptoms, warping beliefs about self and world, and troubling relationships. I am grateful for clients who have taught me what it’s like to be suddenly without connection when you need it most or suddenly exposed to the pathology in another when you weren’t prepared for it. I feel it is crucial to build a solid connection with clients early so that my attention is easily drawn to what still has to be cleared for that person to regain fullness of life and functioning. And so doing, I feel more satisfied in serving those whose trauma may have otherwise continued to affect them.

*Note- This post is highlights excerpts from Mark’s article. To read the full article on Mark’s blog, click here.